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So this one time, my husband and I decided to go somewhere and make love. Well it turned into a very weird situation, we were on top of hill and he had me on his truck cab and he was standing in the back of his truck bed so he could pile drive me, and all of a sudden he starts to waving and I said "what are you doing?" he said "oh we have an audience" sure enough I got up and all I saw was an old man wearing cut off jeans with binoculars staring at us standing next to his R.V. That's my story.

So this one time, when my husband and I got married, we had a party at our house, and his brother got mad and pepper sprayed him. So he ran and jumped into the shower. Well, lets just say the pepper spray spread down to his balls and d***. When we were getting frisky that night he told me that he had gotten pepper sprayed and I said I didn't care so we were going at it and it felt good while I was drunk. But the burning didn't go away for two days. That's my story.

So this one time, me and my man are deep in the deed one day lights off him on top,and just when we're about to finish it up he spanks himself! And I'm like ok shouldn't you be doing that to me? Well then all of a sudden he gets off me and runs to turn on the light I'm confused until he points at the ground and I see the biggest f***en spider dead on the floor. Apparently it had came down from the ceiling and landed right on his ass. We were so creeped out neither of us got to finish. That's my story.

So this one time, I was giving my husband a blow job and he wanted me to go deep, so I'm going as far as a can, then he pushes my head down a little farther. And before I knew it I threw up on him, then I ran to the bathroom crying and he is saying its okay, and Im saying no it's not I just threw up on you. Thats not even close to being sexy. That's my story.

So this one time, I was having sex for the first time with a guy. He went down on me for a while and then I started to go down on him. I wanted to impress him so I put on the condom with my mouth. All he noticed was the neon purple condom and asked if I would call him: Mace Windu with his purple light saber. That's my story.

So this one time, I tried so hard to impress this guy on our initial bedroom meeting. Nervous and sweaty I decided to ask him if he wanted a massage. I got the baby oil and began to anxiously squirt with the plastic seal half way on. Suddenly I showered it in his face (imagine a bottle of oil dripping down your face), boy was I embarrased I was better off saying, "Look Im clumpsy and shy let's just get in the shower and I'll drop soap"! That's my story.

Again, slept over at my boyfriends place and had the usual sex in the middle of the night. I woke up to him shaking me to see if I was still alive. Evidentally I had an extra heavy period and it looked like a murder scene under the sheets and all around his crotch. Oops! That's my story.

So this one time, I was probably the ONLY 18 year old virgin in my hometown, I was making out with my boyfriend, when he decided to push my head down to his lap, MY sign, I guessed, to perform oral sex on him. My mom had left out THIS situation when telling me "the birds and the bees" story..all i knew was that it was called a "BLOW job"..and so ..YES, i began to BLOW on it! He was so sweet though, he just asked me what i was doing and told me to just SUCK! That's my story.

So this one time, After a concert at the beach we hopped the fence into the pool and I sat on him (cameras be damned) and had amazing sex "thrill of being caught." Good times. That's my story.

So this one time, I had to pick up my daughter early from school because they were naming animals that had tails at school. She exclaimed, "Frogs don't have tails but my dad has a pink one in front of him." She had evidentally walked in on us. That's my story.

So this one time, I was driving down the highway while my girlfriend was giving me truly fantastic head, and I looked in the rear view mirror to see flashing red and blue lights. Apparently I was speeding and the cop had been behind me for a mile or two. $80 ticket, but it was worth it! That's my story.

So this one time, My steady and I were really going at it, completely nude, windows fogged. Suddenly this light shines in the drivers window of my '64 Bonneville, "f**kin' Cop". Being the Gentleman that I am I immediatly responded by jumping behind the wheel, starting the engine and backing the hell out of there with the damn Cop running after me. I headed down the road over 100 mph stark raving naked. That's my story.

So this one time, I was in my ex-girlfriend's basement where her grandmother with Alzheimer's Disease lived. While her grandmother watched television with a vegetable motionless stare, we had sex for two hours straight behind her in her own bed. I felt bad at first but my ex-girl reassured me that her grandmother had not said a single word in 5 years. That's my story.