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Again, I found out the hard way that my "waterproof" vibrator is anything but. That's my story.

So this one time, my girlfriend and I were visiting her parents while we were in college. That night, we decided to get frisky, and just as things were getting hot, her 20 year old day bed fell apart with a loud crash. That's my story.

So this one time, my wife and I were having sex. My wife says with a strange look on her face that she feels something strange between her legs. We ignore it, but a few minutes later I am shocked to have a similar sensation on my balls. My stupid cat thought that would be a good time to stick her sandpaper tongue on them. That's my story.

So this one time, I was shopping in Goodwill with my girlfriend. We had a whole cart of clothes to try on and went into the dressing room together. She's smokin' hot so I couldn't help but start banging her. A few minutes into it, I hear a loud knock on the door. After scrambling to get my clothes on, I open the door to see everyone in the store glaring at me and one dad about ready to tear my head off. As we walked out in shame, the cashier says "this isn't a hotel!" Down boy!! That's my story.

So this one time, while going down on my girlfriend back then, I decided to surprise her and pulled out a package (not mine, just yet). Her eyes lit up as she saw "Edible Panties" written all over it. So I start sliding it up her legs slowly cause I was trying to be sexy about it. Then finally it reached her v****a. As soon as it reached her v****a, it instantly melted. My only reaction was to slap her ass so hard as I screamed "TOXIC v****a!!!" She probably queefed, but didn't hear cause she was screaming. That's my story.

So this one time, me and a guy are having wild sex at a public park. It wasn't until the next day that I realized the full meaning of the term "rug burn". Word of advice, avoid the basketball court. The only thing that hurt more was having to lie to my mom about the wound. Ouch. That's my story.

So this one time, I had sex with my girlfriend in the woods by my house. It was great... until we realized that she was laying on an ant bed. That's my story.

So this one time, I was using the spray nozzle in my shower to masturbate. One of the folks in a neighboring apartment took that time to flush their toilet, sending scalding hot water straight into my v****a. I couldn't sit comfortably for days. That's my story.

So this one time, I had just finished going down on my girlfriend and had to go off to class to take an exam. I was horrified because all I could smell was sex and I figured everyone else could too. Turns out, I'm just not very good at cleaning my upper lip. Made for an interesting exam anyway. That's my story.

So this one time, I'm at a bar and meet a girl. We hit it off and end up back at my place. We're ripped, the clothes come off and we're bangin it out on my bed. No foreplay- straight to it. After 15 min she starts to complain that it hurts- a LOT- all of a sudden, it hits her. SHE FORGOT TO TAKE HER TAMPON OUT. That's my story.

So this one time, my boyfriend and I were having sex. His peircing got stuck inside of me, and we had to bang on the wall so my mom could call for an ambulance. That's my story.

So this one time, My girlfriend was going down on me. As she went as low as she could go my pubic hair tickled her nose and she sneezed. Now I have two permanent teeth marks and a girlfriend who refuses to try again. That's my story.

So this one time, I was using my vibrator and it all of a sudden stopped. Found out my cat chewed up the wires and then jumped on the bed for petting. Talk about a jealous p***y. That's my story.